seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
