okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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