Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
