Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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