I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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