I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
