No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
