I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This house was built for laser tag.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
