I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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