k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
