I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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