Nicole vs. Life
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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