It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
