I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
