I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
