I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
