I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
