oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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