I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
