You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
