Betty ford says i'm here all night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
