May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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