The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
