Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
