3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
