Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
