I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
