I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
