I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
