I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
