hotel room ftw
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
