Don't you send me to vm
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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