1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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