Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
