I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
