New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
