I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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