if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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