I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
