my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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