I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
