I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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