i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
