After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there was a trapeze. enough said
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
