life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
