My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
