FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
