when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
