I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
