i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
