why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
