I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
