can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
