Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
