i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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